Is It Safe To Gnaw Through The Straps Now? (ericcoleman) wrote,
Is It Safe To Gnaw Through The Straps Now?

Fun with Root Beer

OSFest is a nice little con. I had a very nice time last year, and am very sad that I don't have time to make it this year. Looking at their website, this amused me.

OSFest 2, July 17-19, 2009, is planning to serve home made Root Beer in the ConSuite. But such things involve a bit of work . . . The following was submitted by John Pershing, Head Brewmeister for OSFest:

As part of a well rounded philosophy of life, I believe that it is important to never close out a day without learning a lesson. Today I was fortunate enough to have learned several, which I share with you now, in no particular order. For those who were unaware, Troy, April and I made some homemade Root Beer on Saturday, and a hose connection failed.

Root Beer is sticky.

2. Before attempting to serve homemade Root Beer, it is important to have well constructed tapping gear.

3. 30 feet of hose connected to the tapper still produces pure foam at 40 P.S.I.(pounds per square inch of air pressure).

4. If you think your hose connection is tight enough, it isn’t.

5. 40 P.S.I. is a lot of pressure.

6. The spectacle of a beer volcano (a good story in its own right) pales before the sheer awesome power of a Root Beer detonation.

7. My kitchen has many nooks and crannies where sticky stuff can drip.

8. My kitchen will forevermore smell of Root Beer.

9. The CSI shows are right. If a person’s body is in front of an explosion, you really can find a “blast shadow” where the body absorbed the impact, thus protecting things in the “shadow.”

10. Root Beer is cold.

11. 40 P.S.I., applied to a 5 gallon keg, is sufficient pressure to accelerate Root Beer to transonic speeds.

12. My body will block a Root Beer detonation quite well.

13. A Root Beer enema is never a good idea.

14. Root Beer hurts.

15. Root Beer is sticky.

16. Root Beer is not recommended as a body wash.

17. Electronic items and Root Beer Bombs do not mix.

18. When cleaning up from the detonation of a Root Beer Bomb, do not stand in one place too long.

19. Root Beer dries FAST.

20. Root Beer, when dried, can be used as a virtually indestructible cement.

21. Aerospace firms should investigate the sticky power of Root Beer for purposes of bonding composite parts of high-performance aircraft.

22. Root Beer adheres to socks just as well as to shoes.

23. Do not plan on getting anything else done on a day when you have a Root Beer Bomb.

24. Spending perhaps $0.75 on hose clamps is a pretty good investment when balanced against an entire wasted day.

25. My refrigerator needed new art work anyway.

26. If you are going to have a Root Beer explosion you will be very lucky if, by pure chance, you are standing next to the keg when it happens.

27. If, by chance, you are not standing next to it, the Root Beer will KEEP exploding until the CO2 runs out.

28. The CO2 will NOT run out if the pressure canister is still attached to the keg.

29. 40 P.S.I. is a lot of pressure.

30. Once you have done the dishes and they are dry, put them away immediately. That way you won’t have to wash them again should a Root Beer Bomb detonate in your kitchen.

31. Burning Root Beer does not smell as good as you might think or hope.

32. It is impossible to get ALL the Root Beer off of electric burners.

33. Burning Root Beer generates smoke.

34. Root Beer smoke is a mild hallucinogenic.

35. What pretty colors!

36. At this point, I’m not sure even I like *$#@! Root Beer!
Tags: root beer

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